I am not at all concerned with appearing to be consistent. In my pursuit after Truth I have discarded many ideas and learnt many new things.---Gandhi
Knowing others is wisdom, knowing yourself is enlightenment. ---Lao Tzu
True observers of nature, although they may think differently, will still agree that everything that is, everything that is observable as a phenomenon, can only exhibit itself in one of two ways. It is either a primal polarity that is able to unify, or it is a primal unity that is able to divide. The operation of nature consists of splitting the united or uniting the divided; this is the eternal movement of systole and diastole of the heartbeat, the inhalation and exhalation of the world in which we live, act, and exist. ---Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.---Aristotle
There is a principle which is the basis of things, which all speech aims to say, and all action to evolve, a simple, quiet, undescribed, undescribable presence, dwelling very peacefully in us, our rightful lord: we are not to do, but to let do; not to work, but to be worked upon.---Ralph Waldo Emerson
When you cut corners or when you undermine others for the sake of ego or profit, you are only hurting yourself.---Mitch Thrower
Beloved, gaze in thine own heart, The holy tree is growing there; From joy the holy branches start, And all the trembling flowers they bear. ---William Butler Yeats
I feel that I am a "bridge" between various groups of people. I have spent my life sitting squarely on some type of metaphorical fence. Don't misunderstand me, I have not been a shirker. I just more often than not saw the merits of each side of the metaphorical fence. This "straddled" position has been quite difficult at times; and, I have definitely fallen to or fro occasionally. [There were some periods in my life where I fell big time!] For example, sometimes my position on the fence was obviously skewed to one side so that I was able to choose quite simply..for if I didn't choose, I would inevitably land face first on the side that was decidely stronger.
Check out what I mean:
As a very small child I grew enamored with humanitarian work. I think I must have connected very deeply to the children who were displayed on TV commercials regarding poverty and "adoption." You know the ones I am talking about. There were many organizations that "got behind" the orphaned, overseas children. The TV commercials would feature a desperate child---hungry, destitute, quite possibly sickly. And then the organizations would lay out a plan to rectify the child's situation. That plan was usually something like: "For just $.25 a day a poor child's life can completely be turned around. You can 'adopt' a child and write to them as they grow and flourish with your support."
I felt for each child I saw. How could I not? Between those emotionally charged advertisements and all the National Geographic magazines in the storage cabinets in my basement, I gleaned a heart for altruism; and, that heart dictated that I see the stance of many.
Once, my family's church put together care packages for impoverished countries. I loved every minute that I "built the care" I put into the packages. For me, adding a toothbrush to each of the little boxes was so exciting and so inviting.
Isn't it strange what you remember as you age?
My mother has always been altruistic. In fact, her career path has been dedicated to the lives of sick and hurt people. She is a registered nurse. I think I must have picked up on her Way the minute I left her womb. Or maybe I carried it with me from her womb! Nevertheless, despite her altruistic persona, she and I have really struggled to relate since my early childhood. We are quite polarized. She is a strong-minded individual that believes this, that, and the other... I am a strong-minded individual that believes that, this, and you know...whatever! [And to further clarify, I am the last born of my heavily male-dominated clan which probably made me a very difficult life for both my parents to bear.]
I am very sure, though, that my desire to serve people is a direct result of being my mother's daughter. [I cling to that.] You know, as a child, while she went places and did things I was with her all the time. To some extent, I am sure I often looked like a carbon copy of her. But, I don't think I felt like that carbon copy.
Mom always talks about the cyclical effect of relationships. In fact, I know that one of her key viewpoints throughout life has been the establishment of balanced relationships. In other words, if someone asks you to come over to their house and visit, then the next time you invite them over to your house. Simple, right? No, not so simple. What I have learned is that all families are unique. All families have their own mores. All families interpret life differently. And I am just one person in the big scheme of things. [I swear I did not connect with this realization until I was half way through my thirties! Wow! Naive? Maybe.]
The premise of balanced relationships is good and desirable; but, its implementation needs flexibility. I didn't have that "flexibility" conceptualization as I grew up. I had the black and white viewpoint that if one of my friends did not come through with a balanced proposal, then I was to walk away from the whole kit and kaboodle. That hurt me a lot. It hurt me when I learned it. And it hurt me as I attempted to live it. As I became an adult, I really sensed the imbalance in the concrete ideology. [Ironic!] But, I didn't know how to fix the imbalance it was that much of an inherent part of me at that point.
By 27, I tried to solidify my beliefs and root them into the "ground." I thought I knew the way the world rotated and subsequently operated. I was very Bible oriented (another very rigid system of thought) due to my hopes and fears. My heart was still service-directed. I studied and studied to be "worthy" of my God's attention and love. The "worthy" perspective is what I KNEW from growing up in a family of high achievers and strong leaders. If I worked hard, I would know God. [If I worked hard, my parents would show me love. If I worked hard my brothers would be proud of me. If I worked hard people around me would be impressed.]
Ok... I am sure you can see that this is where things got so tricky and convoluted for me. As a member of the Protestant Church, I understood the "salvation through grace alone" principle. But I, also, knew all the other Biblical stuff---especially the Old Testament stuff. And I knew the Church. [I, actually, taught Bible when I moved to Hong Kong.] And, I, of course, was the me I WAS. Nothing seemed to gel for me, but it didn't matter. I was highly conflicted, but it didn't matter. I thought, "If I kept my head down and pushed ahead, somewhere along the way things would get better!"
Despite my confusion, I was passionate about missions work. I wanted to connect people. My spirit pierced the veil of ordinary life. I wanted to do something grand for God. I wanted to serve Him with every last speck of myself. I wanted to see my humanitarian efforts fufilled face-to-face. I wanted to know God's love on a broad scale. I wanted to give of myself completely. [What a combo!!! Wow, did I actually think all that was possible? Yes. And it WAS for awhile.]
{Hong Kong burst forth on the scene. An art teaching position was waiting for me overseas. Teenagers that I will never forget came into my world. And I FELT love that was so huge and all encompassing. Beautiful! Beautiful! Beautiful!}
Prior to leaving for my overseas position, I was told about a book that would open my eyes to a path I would continually pursue over a decade or more. It was called Eternity in Their Hearts. The book discussed a joining thread of truth which runs through every culture on the earth. The overiding statement of belief for the book was that every man/woman on the planet has evidence of and know God in their hearts.
The book was created for missionaries. The general idea was that the missionaries reach out to all the peoples of the earth in the "common place" that we all already share. It denounced the practice of stating, "I am right. You are wrong." Instead it might say, "Look, we share the love for the rising and the setting of the sun. We share the desire to experience that which is bigger than we each are. Etc..."
Initally, I saw this beautiful book from a Protestant Christian missionary's perspective. Though I reached to others through their "common place" with me; beneath it all, I felt I was the leader for them to come to God. I, afterall, was of Christ! The one true yada yada. [Whaaa!!!] Ok...I was in my twenties and I was very head strong. I was mixed up and determined all at once. [Whaaa!!!] Please forgive my ignorance. Please forgive that walk. I was well-intentioned.
The book speaks to me a different way now. Now it sheds light on the reality that God already lives in every person and thing. As we each become aware of ourselves and our relationship with others, we naturally call up The Power within.I came home from my Hong Kong "God moment" broken. The overall experience had been unimaginable and glorious. I had been given a brand new lease on life. Everything was shiny and fresh. The breath in my body was practically the only thing that did not shift and change when I moved to the New Territories of Hong Kong. But, all of that ended. Abruptly. And I came home feeling shame, frustration, devastation and much, much more.
It took me years to recover and regain a sense of self. Those years were frequently very excruciating. But looking back, with the benefit of the great retrospective view, I can now see what this universe had in store for me. I can now see what life was doing with me and for me. I was opening to a world that I never knew existed. And it is my current belief---which, of course, is on a continuum---that I experienced what I experienced so that I could understand my brothers and sisters of the earth. And most of all, so that I could understand me rather than the myth of me.
I returned from Hong Kong cognizant of how little my outlook was when I went overseas to save the world for God. Think about that word save. Did God somehow really need me to do anything for Him? [Dispel the fact that He is an inclusive, team oriented entity.] When I thought of the ramifications of that belief, I was nearly blasted from here to Kingdom Come! Would God literally let His very precious creations---His children---just die? Furthermore, would He just let the same creations be subject to an inferno called Hell, because they missed MY message regarding Jesus??? Or, for that matter, anybody else's message?
Is it any wonder that I felt tremendous pressure to perform with that type of world view? [But at that time, I DID feel that intense necessity to go forth and spread God's word. My altruistic self could not stomach a damned population.]
I thought of God as incomprehensibly huge one second, and then in the next second, I penciled Him into a box that could fit into the eye of a flea. And to boot, I was surrounded by well-meaning people who did the exact same thing as me. My Church community "fostered" Godliness, and it assured me that I would have pure thoughts that would lift my spirit to heaven. [I have always been an idealist.] In addition, the community would give me accountability to keep me on the straight and NARROW path to Jesus.
Again, let's examine the word narrow. In such a context, only by the exceptionally small grace of God would people be chosen to be a Christian. Hey! maybe to be a Christian; but what about a citizen of the earth?
As I look back, I am dumbfounded by my old belief system. To me, now, it seems shocking. Yet, it was my belief system for years. And what grounded me to that belief system was fear. As a child, I knew nothing of the word salvation. I knew God was love. I knew God loved the people of the world---whether yellow, red, black or white. It wasn't until I went through the Church education programs that I learned to discriminate and be exclusive.
My service oriented heart desired the redemption of ALL mankind. But, my devotion to my church kept most of mankind in 'slavery' to sin.
As I review this, it seems easy and straight forward that God is unfathomably huge, and that He IS/WAS/WILL ALWAYS BE a Spirit of Love. It seems totally recognizable that He is all powerful, He is all present, and He is all knowing which makes Him the God of the Impossible. But 10 years ago I couldn't see it. I couldn't know it. I saw only the smallness I knew.
I listened to others about who God was. I let them dictate the parameters of Heaven's gate. Despite my trueness of heart, I got caught up in the vision of man because I knew no better. I stopped the impossible. I grasped an infinity wrapped inside a tiny cage.
My return from the mission field brought me to God's great reality. Love is eternal. This can be confusing if you only know philos and/or eros. But, if you understand and know Agape, you will never be able to seriously doubt the power of true love. Agape is the amazing all encompassing love of God.
I now believe we all have a Way. Sometimes the Way will be solitary. Sometimes the Way will be shared. But the Way is our path to the Divine within. I firmly believe that every life form on this planet was born out of love. I, also, believe that we are all One. We may be unaware of it, but that does not negate the fact that we were created from the heart of the Great I AM. I don't care what you call Him/Her/It. In a society that is multicultural and multilingual, it stands to reason for me that God is Big enough to translate our precious lives into the love He envisioned in the Beginning. I don't care what kind of mess we might perceive. Order and Chaos are as they should be.
"We are what we repeatedly do." We have the capacity to own this statement that Aristotle made many years ago. We have the capacity to feel, give and receive love. As we repeatedly love, we will start to see what we truly are---love itself.
This may seem challenging, but it is not impossible. The Divine resides in us and outside of us. Therefore, anything we can conceive we can achieve. Practice does make perfect...one step at a time.
My life is a living prayer born from the altruistic efforts of my mother. Hopefully, it is a bridge to the hearts of mankind. That is my fondest wish. For at least three years I have been striving to experience and give love each day that I exist in this incarnation. I can see and feel the difference in my life. Certainly I often fail. But I, also, believe that each of us (including me) will reconcile with the "loving path" at some point in our journey. I believe that today may be your reconcilation point. If not, no worries. God is big enough and patient enough to see you all the way through to your Way. He doesn't need me to make that happen. He doesn't need anyone or anything to make that happen. But, He may choose to include someone in the loving. That is His Way.
He IS Love. We ARE of Him. We are love. May your love rush to meet Him. His heart awaits you. Of this, I am sure!
