I am willing, because I deserve the very best in life.

"I am deserving. I deserve all good. Not some, not a little bit, but all good. I now move past all negative, restricting thoughts. I release and let go of the limitations of my parents. I love them, and I go beyond them. I am not their negative opinions, nor their limiting beliefs. I am not bound by any of the fears or prejudices of the current society I live in. I no longer identify with limitation of any kind.

In my mind, I have total freedom. I now move into a new space of consciousness, where I am willing to see myself differently. I am willing to create new thoughts about myself and about my life. My new thinking becomes new experiences.

I now know and affirm that I am at one with the Prospering Power of the Universe. As such, I now prosper in a number of ways. The totality of possibilities lies before me. I deserve life, a good life. I deserve love, an abundance of love. I deserve good health. I deserve to live comfortably and to prosper. I deserve joy and happiness. I deserve freedom to be all that I can be. I deserve more than that. I deserve all good.

The Universe is more than willing to manifest my new beliefs. And I accept this abundant life with joy, pleasure, and gratitude. For I am deserving. I accept it; I know it to be true."
---Louise Hay, Love yourself, heal your life, p.12


Learning to re-create yourself is simple. However, the path to renewal may require some time, effort, and/or commitment. You are worth every ounce of investment you put into yourself. Picture yourself every day nurturing the "seed" of your life into fruition. In other words, as you begin upon YOUR path, visualize yourself planting a tiny little "seed of change" into the dark, rich soil of the mighty planet below you. The earth is abundant and wealthy! Smile as you imagine the size, color and shape the "seed of change" will become. Water the "plant" in your mind by affirming yourself daily. You are a creation of God. He graced you with His everlasting and omnipotent love the minute He conceived you. You are love itself!

I have bipolar disorder. I was diagnosed 16 years ago while I was going to school at University of Florida. It was a terrifying experience that has shaped and molded me over many years.

First of all, I must explain---give you a little background---that my best friend from grade school and junior high school got Viral Encephalitis when we were starting eighth grade. She almost died three times. She sustained temporary brain damage. As a result, she lost most of her inhibitions, and one day as she returned to school full-time, she threw over her desk in a fit of rage projected at my English teacher. It was shocking and horrible. I'll never forget how awful I felt that day. Eventually, the same emotional disturbances brought our friendship to an end. I was crushed and felt so much guilt that I could not make things work out between us. That guilt burrowed itself within me.

At 21, my mental health situation was far more grave than the temporary dysfunctionality of my former best friend's life. My situation was classified as permanent. I was handed medication and was told not to stop taking it or things would get so much worse. I felt trapped and confused. I felt guilty that my body-mind had broken in two. I immediately assumed total responsibility for my condition. I had no understanding of the condition, but I knew it was all my fault for getting it.

As my brain entered into a devastating trip of ups and downs, I began to seek forgiveness for my sinful thoughts, desires and actions. (Of course, I thought, it must have been my immorality at the base of all things!) The inner instability was, also, relatively constant at that time. I couldn't stop it. I couldn't manage it well. My physical self became completely new, and not for the better. I gained a lot of weight. My skin became corrupted. My hands began to tremor severely. I was catapulted into a life of all-consuming fear. My only sustenance then was my ever-increasing belief in my Heavenly Father. He became my constant.

Long story made very short: I transferred my guilt into a heart for missionary work. This is a pattern for me. Even now. I take one ideology and transform it into something new. And, I like and tend to share my transformations (Afterall, if I am hurt from something, maybe someone else is hurt from the same kind of thing.). As I have matured, I have worked more and more toward benevolance, compassion and/or love.

When I was young, I experienced things as most young people do---through black and white lenses. My missionary work, I sadly recount, occurred during the latter part of my youth. I became quite a zealot within the Christian Church. There are good things and bad things that can be said about that period of my life. And, I do believe every aspect of our lives has reason and meaning. Each aspect can be learned from. I can grow and develop from everything that happens to me and for me. We all can.

But, I still harbor a bit of sadness because the overall missionary experience was one of the most cherished events of my existence to date, and I wish I had the opportunity to make it better---to refine it more than I did.

My missionary work ended "prematurely." I had my second recorded manic episode while I lived overseas in Hong Kong. At this point, I realized my disease was not due to sin. [Within reason, I knew how dedicated to Christianity I was. And, I certainly gained a very dynamic relationship with God at that point in time.] But, again, I had no idea why the disease was a part of my world. And I never overcame all of the guilt I had been living with. I returned to the United States quite ill, over-medicated and forlorn. I would have remained in Hong Kong for at least another two years if I had managed to stay healthy.

It took me another two years or so, but I eventually realized my disease was just a disease. I then transformed my life into a battle against mental illness. I connected with a young man who was 10 years younger than myself who had very severe mental health issues, and I began to reach out to him so that he would know how to better take care of himself. I learned everything I could learn about Bipolar Disorder. I intended to conquer it. [Ah, the embattlement mentality!!!]

I grew up in a household of men. My father was once military and he, actually, sat in a missile silow during the Cuban Missile Crisis. He "ordered" his children according to his military mind-set. I was the youngest and the only girl of his four children. I didn't really "get" the proper military groove-on. But, apparently, I incorporated the military mind-set into my overall view of life. Ironically, when I was in my "High Christian"(like the High Church of England versus the contemporary, non-denominational Churches of the US) phase, I was participating in the "Onward Christian Soldier" movement that I had learned of as child while I listened over and over to the old, Christian song. I found my war! First as a missionary. Second as a mental health patient.

But, eventually, my illness brought me to a new phase: Peace.

It is not easy to overcome a warring mentality, but bipolar disorder disabled every bit of energy I had---even to fight for my life. In 2004, I laid down my "armaments." I nearly died in a psychotic, depressive episode that followed three exhausting years of rapid cycling. And as I was graced with a medication that would, finally, give me enough stability to enable me to take steps to become whole, again, I learned of my new path for peace.

I began studying some holistic literature that my boyfriend at the time hooked me into. I began to know a completely different approach to living. I took some yoga classes where I learned compassion for myself and my body. I was amazed by what was available to me but I knew relatively nothing about. The student in me delved deeply into the various schools of thought that I once would have considered evil/wrong/sinful. For the first time in years, I was starting to live again. I was starting to resolve the guilt.

It was then that I understood how shallow our understanding of life and God often are. And I could hear the words in my head, "Lean not on your own understanding..."

At that point, I began to let go---one tiny bit at a time. [Certainly not quickly.] I began to change. I began to know my own Divine self---God who is in me. I remembered my earlier experiences in life when my world was filled with words and artistry. And, I began to create. Eventually, I happened upon visualization techniques to overcome difficulties, and I began to employ them.

Perhaps people looking on would see nothing different from my life. I, however, see a lot. I have remained psychosis-free for 3.5 years. I feel stronger than I have felt in over 10 years. I have purpose, and I can remind myself that situations today are not the situations from yesteryear---they are totally different. My creativity is active and growing in scope. My attitudes are quite healthy. Negativity is seen as an opportunity to transform. Love is my focus. When I get down on myself, I actively work to go back inside myself and re-create a better scenario.

I feel that it is important for me to share my experiences with all those who will listen. My experiences are a footprint or two of God. My heart contains a lot of wisdom.

When we realize that we are all children of the Divine, we overcome anything or anyone who states that we are undeserving. We deserve love. We deserve kindness. We deserve the belief that we are all One. If we see anything different than that, we deserve the opportunity to transform our viewpoints. We deserve to know how unlimited our lives are.

Plant the "seed of change" in the soil below you. Let it be nurtured by all that life IS. Let the "seed" grow strong and resiliant to the adversities that are merely illusions. You are beautiful. Let yourself deserve your love. Let yourself know your love. Love is abundant. Love is infinite. Love IS you. You are love.

Visualize your change right now. You deserve it!